Ubin

I am supposed to write this in an email to everyone in Project Angel but a takeaway lesson from my trip is that instructions need not be followed exactly and hence I decided to blog instead. I am sure not many people from Project Angel knows about this blog so maybe I have more freedom to express certain things.

The trip didn't start off well for me. I was late for a few minutes and had to do a pole dance for forfeit(yet again). It was all the more demoralising because I rushed my dinner and left home early, hoping to reach early for once. Maybe I was just fated to do pole dances.

The camp was more physically tiring than I expected. I certainly didn't expect to be piggybacking someone else for long distances. But that was how the night started for me. Trekking to Chek Jawa was the last challenge of the night and I was glad we got the shortest route there. Walking in the dark carrying backpacks certainly wasn't much fun and reminded me of route marches. Indeed, the camp almost feels military-like sometimes.

Chek Jawa was only open the next morning and we made our way there after spending the night at a hut. It was disappointing that we could only observe from the boardwalk and did not get to go down to the mud flats. From the boardwalk, few animals could be seen and if I hadn't heard about the biodiversity present there, I probably would be one of the people proposing to reclaim the place.

The trip to Ubin was supposed to prepare us for the situation in Cambodia and this point couldn't be emphasised enough during the entire camp. Every exercise was designed to test us and could be applied to our Cambodia trip. A review session was held and the educational aspects of the exercise was told to us. Frankly, I got lethargic of hearing the educational things that were being said. The top-down approach didn't work well and I felt a lot of things were being forced onto us. The discussions were all meant to extract the model answers from us. Teamwork, care for one another, leadership, initiative...

Everything could be extrapolated to the situation in Cambodia. If you didn't gather in double-quick time, the bus in Cambodia is not going to wait for you et cetera. Some discipline has to be enforced in us in order to ensure a smooth trip in Cambodia but a harsh approach isn't going to work. A cooperative approach would be more suitable, considering that everyone is an adult already and it isn't the army.

I felt deeply disappointed when we got onto the mainland. We were given ten minutes to buy something to eat and the absurd thing is that the timing started when the facilitator got past the customs. By the time the everyone got past the customs, few minutes were left. Fortunately or unfortunately, my group was one of the first to get past customs and we headed to the hawker centre to purchase food. Oblivious to us, the rest of the groups decided not to buy any lunch due to lack of time.

My lunch took a long time to be prepared and I ended up being the last to get out of the hawker centre. I headed to the gathering point only to find that everyone has left. I was lucky enough to spot Lewis and followed in his direction to the chalet. My group was made to feel guilty that we had bought lunch and I definitely felt so. It made me feel selfish that I was eating my lunch when others are starving and certainly spoilt my lunch.

I didn't understand why the timing has to be so harsh. If the purpose is to let us have something decent to fill our stomachs after a day of eating bread and biscuits, then sufficient time should have been given. It feels like it is a test instead. A test of urgency, maybe teamwork and integrity. In my viewpoint, I felt that everyone deserves a decent lunch after going through much hardship in Ubin. We weren't in a hurry anyway and could well afford the time to do so. Our welfare should not be used as a tool to enforce discipline.

I felt very disappointed that the whole group left for the chalet without waiting. I felt abandoned. I knew I took too long to get my lunch but does that mean that I will be left behind if the same situation occurs in Cambodia?

We were made to argue through the games that were played. Tough decisions had to be made and compromises were inevitable. It was inevitable as well that certain voices will be drowned out amidst the discussions. Dominant characters emerge from these activities and they were the ones heard most of the time. That happens everywhere. Some people will always overshadow the rest and the more quiet ones will not get their opinions heard.

Insenstive remarks were made during the camp and sometimes it's too easy to blame others. It's always easier to criticise things on hindsight. We should have done this, should have done that....why didn't you think of that?... It is always difficult to see things from others' perspectives and place ourselves in others' situations. It is counter-intuitive to think about others. I am guilty of that and everyone is.

The camp left me feeling less than optimistic about the trip to Cambodia. It's never easy to live with someone else, much less 30 other people. I know we will have conflicts during the trip. When the going gets tough and people are hot, sweaty and tired, frustration sets in and all the teamwork, integrity, tolerance and care for others we have learnt might just so easily be forgotten. I just hope things wouldn't get too ugly.